A change from the norm....

This entry represents a change in the norm, from my typical posts. I'm not talking about training today. I haven't been to a training session since last Saturday. But it is related to my training. It involves the person who sparked my interest in getting in shape.

Sometimes inspiration strikes in the weirdest places and ways. A friend at work inspired me to write this blog.

The woman who sparked and inspired me to change (but not to continue to change) is slowly and surely breaking me down....why?! Mostly because I've let her and because I'm stupid (at least with emotional intelligence).

Its hard to watch her as she has decided to pursue another man. I'm trying to forget about her and think of her differently (as a non-possibility), but she continues to pull me in. Earlier today, I received a call from her and she told me about the plans for her weekend as she plans to begin to move on and see her interest. Infuriariated, crushed, embarrased and jealous all at once, I lied to her and said I had another call, as I hung up on her. I did not like doing that. I don't like doing that to anyone, but it had to be done. Que cera, cera...thats life.

At this point, I think I know what needs to be done, but I'm really struggling with letting her go completely. As Sting says, "if you love somebody, set them free" and I'm trying hard to not hate her. Usually I have to hate someone to detach myself from them. But I can't do that in this case.

Ah....this is a new experience and too much like a Spanish Novela or daytime soap. Alas, that which does not kill me, will make me stronger. While there have been several women around, but only she really captures me. I've never held on to a woman who so obviously rejects me, for so long. Its actually self-destructive and self-loathing.

What's a boy to do?

Well, all I can do is be patient. Right now, it seems that she sure as hell ain't the one....at least not now and probably never....and be emotionally available. God, I'm pitiful. I miss her and I haven't even had her yet.

Good things come to those who wait....I hope I'm rewarded. Although she sparked the change. I change for only one person....myself.